More than a Mouthful

Well, I have nothing better to do at this hour so I'll just write about today. (: In the morning, I got up around 10 or something so I could go to Oboe. Yeah, I play the oboe. I'm actually really good. I'd be so much better if I would just practice. x.x Anyway, I was thinking about joining some orchestra, but I don't think I can do that quite yet. My rhythm is seriously terrible. It's like I have no sense of it all. I can't count in my head while I'm playing. I don't know why. It just doesn't happen for me. But I'll work on it, because I really do love playing the oboe and I really do wanna try to be apart of an orchestra, just for the experience - because that's all I'm about, new experiences now. I wanted to go to a homeless shelter tomorrow - well, today, I guess - to see if I could find a job as a volunteer there. My mom told me we couldn't - I have too much homework, which I do, I just wish we could stop by at least and check it out. Well, back to the Oboe. I did Nyssma last year, level 4. And I scored a 20 out of, I forgot, but it was terrible. The judge intimidated me. He was this old guy and he seemed like he'd rather be anywhere else than right there. So, I tried some small talk... I asked him something like "So, you must be pretty new with this [judging]?" when he told me that he wasn't sure how it was working this year because I asked him if I could see my grades after I performed. And he told me that - "No, I've been doing this for years [he didn't say years, he gave a specific number, and it was pretty big]." So, yeah, that was incredibly embarrassing for me. And then when I played for him... lol I screwed up so bad. Like my scales. I messed up with that because I was nervous. And when I came to the piece... I played it way, WAY too fast because I was nervous, even more now. And I almost skipped the repeat. God, it was terrible. Well, yeah, I went to my lesson with my private tutor. I've been going to him for awhile now. He's really nice and it's easy to talk to him about other subjects than just the Oboe. But I think I'm disappointing him, because I don't practice and of course, it shows. He's a professional Oboe player and everything. I feel bad about it. After that, I came home and texted my friend to see if our plans were still up for going to see Twilight, the first time for her, the second for me. I did some homework in between like 1 and 6:30 - when she picked me up and we went to the mall to see the 7 showing of it. Someone else was suppose to come with us but she had a hang over or something. So, I saw it a second time. And it was actually better the second time. More bearable. The first time I saw it, I was just like "Omg, what the fuck is this?", "This is so stupid.", "Would she just quit with the huffing and puffing?". I was more like... "Okay, nothing special here.", "When will this be over?", "Haha, that's still funny." After the movie was over, and that was at like 9-something, we just walked around shopping. Not really shopping because we're both bankrupt, lol, but I saw some good places where I could get Christmas presents. We did that for an hour until the mall closed. We found this place that was going out of business. A jewelry place and everything was like 70% off, which was pretty amazing. My friend saw this Fresh Water Pearl Necklace or whatever she called it, it was 80-something dollars originally. But with the discount, it came down to 24 dollars. Crazy, right? We thought so. So, yeah, I have to go back there and try to get some stuff.

There's so much I could talk about here... do you have any idea how much I want to go to Africa? Of course you don't. Why would you? But God... I want to go there so much. I have to go there. Do I know why exactly? No... it's so weird. It's just a feeling. A need. It hurts sometimes. It freaks me out. I have this thing... I want to help people. I don't want to do lame charities or lame fundraiser's or whatever... I want to be one on one, I want to do the helping out personally. With the people directly. I feel terrible for the people who are less fortunate than me, which makes it impossible for me to ever be depressed that long. I'm sulking about the stupidest things, while people out there are suffering for things I'll never completely even understand or things I never had to go through and never will. And I feel bad, for the people who aren't giving them self a chance at a good life. They've grown up with hardly any love, hardly any understanding. I want to help them. I'm probably sounding so pathetic right now. Well, I felt like getting sentimental. Guess I'll be going now. Later and thanks for reading. Comment if you want.