So, someone recently asked me to list a few things I care about - as many things I care about.
Surprisingly, it wasn't that hard. The words just came to me.
1. I care about my mom. She's done so many things for me. She's made so many sacrifices, and she's gotten the worst of my mood swings. I don't know where I would be without her, mostly financially, but emotionally, too. It's nice being around her, she's probably the only person in the world who I can just be around without having any sense of obligation to start or carry on conversation bothering me. I can't say she understands me, really. Because she doesn't. But what mother does? She sometimes tries to be my best friend more than a mother, and she can be childish sometimes, and purposely, too. Because she thinks acting a certain way is cute, when to me, it's really disturbing and just ticks me off. But I love who she is, and I'm glad she adopted me. And she does make great food, if I were more adventurous with my diet I'd probably love her food.
2. I care about my friends. Some more than others, naturally. But they're all easy to talk to, and they're fun to talk to. They're interesting, even though some are as careless as can be, especially when it comes to school. They aren't very reliable, which depresses me sometimes. I'm not that reliable either - ever since I started breaking contact from a former best friend of mine, and I'd like a chance to redeem myself, but I'm finding it hard to do that with the friends I have now. Anyway, I'm glad they're in my life. I'm not a person who wants many friends, just some really good ones. I hope if I ever do open up and start changing, I'll be able to make closer friends of the ones I have now.
3. I care about my therapist. It sounds weird, though, right? Anyway, he's really nice, he's like an encyclopedia, he's easy to talk to, and for an old guy, he's pretty funny. I owe a lot to him, for being there, I guess, but I pay him for that, so that's not really much, huh? I've improved since I started seeing him, I'm more contained and I don't make life at home hell for my mom anymore. I've started trying new things, even though most of those new things are already boring me. I'll try and stick with them, though.
4. I care about my oboe teacher. He's interesting and he's really dedicated to the oboe, and he really seems to see a lot in me, even though I like hardly ever practice. I feel bad that I'm always letting him down because of that. I mean, I'm not getting worse, I'm actually pretty good for someone who never practices, but the thing is, I'm not really improving. So, I hope I can change that. I'll admit, I don't feel the same way about the oboe as I use to, but like so many other things, I'm not going to quit.
5. Believe it or not, I care about Doug, the guy who subbed in for my sensei while he was on away. I'm not really sure why I'm including him in here, it could be because of how short this list is, but I do care about him. Though, I wish I didn't care so much. Anyway, he's a really nice guy, and he's made me feel very welcomed at karate. I can't tell if he likes me, well, I can tell that he likes me, but I can't tell if he like likes me, like I like like him. lol I made it sound so retarded. Okay, moving on. He's funny, and he's always laughing at things I say. He's easy to talk to, we don't talk about much, but it's just easy to talk to him. I'd like to talk about more intimate subjects or rather other topics besides karate and the formalities, but I'm not sure I'll ever get there unless I request private lessons, and I think it's too late for that. And I'm glad I'll be seeing him more, I didn't think he would stay after the sensei came back, but he is, we talked about it at the end of the last class. He was talking about how he wants to continue studying karate, even if he is a black belt. I like to think that he's only continuing it, well, one of the reasons he's continuing it is because he wants to see more of me. (: lol Wow... this guy got a pretty long commentary. ;o
6. I care about animals. I've always had this soft side for them. I've always said I'd rather see a human die than watch an animal die. They just have this innocence to them, and they're so vulnerable. I mean, it's not very safe for them to be around me when I'm pissed off. lol No, it's not that bad. They certainly won't get any peace, though, that's for sure. And I always find myself disheartened watching one of those commercials about animals who need help.
7. I care about all the people who are suffering in this world. Which is a great contradiction, because I believe there are too many people in this world, and I think that they should be removed, so that they aren't causing as many problems, so that our population can go down, and the amount of resources we use won't be so affecting. Anyway, I care about people a lot. I care about people who are having difficult home lives, and are finding it hard to cope with their life. I care about people who come on the computer - like myself, though not as much - because they want to escape the real world. I care about the people who are homeless, and are finding life hard to live because of it. I care about the people whose health is suffering. I care about the people in Africa, I cried to this one commercial that was on late one night. It wasn't really a commercial, more like one of those Paid Programs or whatever. I find myself caring about other people more than myself. And yet, with all this heart I have, I don't do anything with it. I don't know what to do with it. I need more direction in my life.
8. And there's a friend I have. I haven't known her that long. But I feel I should include her in this list because although we have never met each other, we've been through a lot together. I lied to her, big time, for a long time. I still feel terrible about it, and I'm sure she's not over it, like she acts like she is. She's one of the few people who know me, like really know and understand me. She's younger than me, by like 3 years, and she's so mature. There are so many things we have in common, and she's the only person in the world who knows my secret. It's not that bad of a secret, but because of it, because of what I did, I was changed a lot, and for the worse. I hate myself for what I did. And I hate myself for doing it again, well, repeating history, I guess. I like to talk to her about my Romeo, about my crushes, and about my true Romeo, who's somewhere out there.
x.x And I was so close to 10... oh well.
Surprisingly, it wasn't that hard. The words just came to me.
1. I care about my mom. She's done so many things for me. She's made so many sacrifices, and she's gotten the worst of my mood swings. I don't know where I would be without her, mostly financially, but emotionally, too. It's nice being around her, she's probably the only person in the world who I can just be around without having any sense of obligation to start or carry on conversation bothering me. I can't say she understands me, really. Because she doesn't. But what mother does? She sometimes tries to be my best friend more than a mother, and she can be childish sometimes, and purposely, too. Because she thinks acting a certain way is cute, when to me, it's really disturbing and just ticks me off. But I love who she is, and I'm glad she adopted me. And she does make great food, if I were more adventurous with my diet I'd probably love her food.
2. I care about my friends. Some more than others, naturally. But they're all easy to talk to, and they're fun to talk to. They're interesting, even though some are as careless as can be, especially when it comes to school. They aren't very reliable, which depresses me sometimes. I'm not that reliable either - ever since I started breaking contact from a former best friend of mine, and I'd like a chance to redeem myself, but I'm finding it hard to do that with the friends I have now. Anyway, I'm glad they're in my life. I'm not a person who wants many friends, just some really good ones. I hope if I ever do open up and start changing, I'll be able to make closer friends of the ones I have now.
3. I care about my therapist. It sounds weird, though, right? Anyway, he's really nice, he's like an encyclopedia, he's easy to talk to, and for an old guy, he's pretty funny. I owe a lot to him, for being there, I guess, but I pay him for that, so that's not really much, huh? I've improved since I started seeing him, I'm more contained and I don't make life at home hell for my mom anymore. I've started trying new things, even though most of those new things are already boring me. I'll try and stick with them, though.
4. I care about my oboe teacher. He's interesting and he's really dedicated to the oboe, and he really seems to see a lot in me, even though I like hardly ever practice. I feel bad that I'm always letting him down because of that. I mean, I'm not getting worse, I'm actually pretty good for someone who never practices, but the thing is, I'm not really improving. So, I hope I can change that. I'll admit, I don't feel the same way about the oboe as I use to, but like so many other things, I'm not going to quit.
5. Believe it or not, I care about Doug, the guy who subbed in for my sensei while he was on away. I'm not really sure why I'm including him in here, it could be because of how short this list is, but I do care about him. Though, I wish I didn't care so much. Anyway, he's a really nice guy, and he's made me feel very welcomed at karate. I can't tell if he likes me, well, I can tell that he likes me, but I can't tell if he like likes me, like I like like him. lol I made it sound so retarded. Okay, moving on. He's funny, and he's always laughing at things I say. He's easy to talk to, we don't talk about much, but it's just easy to talk to him. I'd like to talk about more intimate subjects or rather other topics besides karate and the formalities, but I'm not sure I'll ever get there unless I request private lessons, and I think it's too late for that. And I'm glad I'll be seeing him more, I didn't think he would stay after the sensei came back, but he is, we talked about it at the end of the last class. He was talking about how he wants to continue studying karate, even if he is a black belt. I like to think that he's only continuing it, well, one of the reasons he's continuing it is because he wants to see more of me. (: lol Wow... this guy got a pretty long commentary. ;o
6. I care about animals. I've always had this soft side for them. I've always said I'd rather see a human die than watch an animal die. They just have this innocence to them, and they're so vulnerable. I mean, it's not very safe for them to be around me when I'm pissed off. lol No, it's not that bad. They certainly won't get any peace, though, that's for sure. And I always find myself disheartened watching one of those commercials about animals who need help.
7. I care about all the people who are suffering in this world. Which is a great contradiction, because I believe there are too many people in this world, and I think that they should be removed, so that they aren't causing as many problems, so that our population can go down, and the amount of resources we use won't be so affecting. Anyway, I care about people a lot. I care about people who are having difficult home lives, and are finding it hard to cope with their life. I care about people who come on the computer - like myself, though not as much - because they want to escape the real world. I care about the people who are homeless, and are finding life hard to live because of it. I care about the people whose health is suffering. I care about the people in Africa, I cried to this one commercial that was on late one night. It wasn't really a commercial, more like one of those Paid Programs or whatever. I find myself caring about other people more than myself. And yet, with all this heart I have, I don't do anything with it. I don't know what to do with it. I need more direction in my life.
8. And there's a friend I have. I haven't known her that long. But I feel I should include her in this list because although we have never met each other, we've been through a lot together. I lied to her, big time, for a long time. I still feel terrible about it, and I'm sure she's not over it, like she acts like she is. She's one of the few people who know me, like really know and understand me. She's younger than me, by like 3 years, and she's so mature. There are so many things we have in common, and she's the only person in the world who knows my secret. It's not that bad of a secret, but because of it, because of what I did, I was changed a lot, and for the worse. I hate myself for what I did. And I hate myself for doing it again, well, repeating history, I guess. I like to talk to her about my Romeo, about my crushes, and about my true Romeo, who's somewhere out there.
x.x And I was so close to 10... oh well.
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